Hebrews 11:1
"Now Faith is being sure of what we
hope for and certain of what we do not see"
This is a very personal post, but I feel like not sharing
it would be a mistake. I suppose, like anything else, it is best to start from
the beginning....
Last week I had called our doctor's office to confirm how
much we needed to pay for our prenatal care. (For those who don't know, when
you are expecting you are expected (like the word play there?) to pay for
everything up front.) So back to last week, I had already made a payment, but
could not find the receipt, so I needed to know the exact amount we were paying
for our appointment on the 16th. Needless to say, there was some confusion
because I had added John to my insurance, and I had to wait for them to call me
back to double check my benefits.
Let me just say that we can't always be as prepared as we
hope to be. I had been busting my butt every week putting money back to pay for
these medical expenses. I had saved the general amount we discussed, unsure of
the total amount like I mentioned before, but I was very confident and ecstatic
to know everything would be taken care of. Well, that was all
demolished when the Dr.'s office called me back. The amount they were saying I
needed to pay had doubled.
Money intimidates the life out of me, especially large
amounts. Anytime I pay anything that is a large amount of money I get a little
anxious. My mind goes to the "what else could this money be used for"
part of my brain. So, I was pretty dumbstruck. I just listened, and this poor
girl I could tell....she just felt so bad. I'm sure pregnancy hormones played a
part but, it was also my disappointment and frustration....I just started
crying.....and I could not stop crying. I felt fear because we would have to
come up with a lot of money in a short period of time, I felt
disappointed because I wasn't as prepared as I thought I was, and I was
disappointed in myself too. I should have been more aware of how things would
work out once John was added to my insurance policy. I called the person I
always call whether I am sick, or upset, or venting, whatever....I called my
mom.
I am sure I was incoherent when I was talking to her. I
will be blunt, I felt like a failure telling my mom this. I am thirty years
old, and I am crying because of money I do not have. She told me
everything would be okay, that things always worked out and that the
best thing I could do was calm down, and try to talk to our HR
personnel that handles insurance and ask some questions. My mom
worked for Dr. Bartel when I was younger, so she is familiar with how some
things work, so it was nice to know what questions to ask.
So, going into this last week I had the mindset, "We
have to come up with this amount of money by January". I was already
telling John things like, we won't go crazy at Christmas for each
other, and we would just buy for children in our family. To sum it up, I had
cut back as much as the grocery list. However, there was one thing I did not
eliminate from the equation and that was our church offering.
Let me get something straight because I am by no means the
perfect Christian. This is not to brag about me or John this about God saying a
BIG "HERE I AM!" to us. I considered heavily, taking our
tithing out until we had this money saved. I went back and forth, struggled
trying to determine what I should do. The thing that I kept saying to myself
was "Its about Faith Christen." I had to Trust in God...and I think
for most people, especially concerning money...its hard to do. So, to make it
clear, I wasn't completely confident and we don't pay some astronomical
amount...that is between us and God, but even in my fear, I chose to
trust.
So the appointment was yesterday, and we now know who is
in this belly of mine =). Before we announce that I need to get to the point of
this post. John sat down in the waiting room and I checked in with the
receptionist. She said "Oh, I have a message for you, you DID meet
your deductible and you owe...." I am pretty sure I stared at her like
someone who doesn't speak English. It processed slowly. Then there
was the " What, really?....oh...ok....just totally taken back. I was
so dazed I couldn't remember if she said to wait to pee in the cup after my
sonogram or before. John was looking at me with concerned expression (haha). I
had tears forming (happy tears) and I said "God is Good."...I had
goosebumps. You see I have read devotionals and seen things about tithing.
People who were in worse financial situations like bankruptcy, or losing their
homes, who began tithing faithfully and bounced back to prosperity so to speak.
My situation isn't near that serious, but I never thought I would give
testimony regarding my offering. In case you missed it, not only did we not
have to worry about this doubled amount of money, our payment was less than
what we had saved already. Also, the deductible will reset at the new year and
we will likely have to pay more money, but guess what....God has provided there
too. I can only say how humbling the situation has been...I don't know how else
to put it.
Ephesians 2:8
"For it is by grace you have been
saved, through faith-and this is not through yourselves, it is the gift of
God"
Money is a thing of man....Faith and Trust are things
of God. Insurance is not fun.....but I am thankful to have it. I know this
was a kind of personal post to make, but when God gives you the opportunity to
confess and give testimony for Him, it is not something to take lightly. I am
still not the perfect Christian, I am a human being and like everyone else,
I have faults. This experience has helped me to grow. I am thankful for this
blessing, not just to be less worried financially, but to know I trusted in God
